An Autumn Update: A Slightly More Comprehensive Overview

Okay, now that I've got that expedited overview of my summer holidays posted up and out of the way.... it was sitting in the Drafts section of my blog list for so long, it would serve me well to remember never to procrastinate blogposts ever again!

Sadly, I am no longer that much of a bloggerholic to carefully skim through each and every eventful day to distill a relatively good summary of my days back in Malaysia cum Singapore. Oh that is mostly due to my active presence in Facebook. It records every album captured so perfectly, and displays it to the people that matters to me. So no guesses that it renders my blogging highs obsolete. Haha, but I guess posting up albums of pictures as I go is hardly as descriptive as what blogging has to offer in terms of personal reflections!

Lets go through the basic reviews here.

Up till this point of time of my life I am feeling particularly.....

Cheery

... and well fed!!

Stewed pork with braised mushrooms and eggs. Oh my gawd, much?!

And if Asian does not tickle your palate, what about some Italian food?




...and of course, not forgetting the baking moments....





...all because of the faults of this person, who so happens to be talented in a particular area that induces fat layers around my waistline if i am not careful!



He has also permanently marred my initial seemingly "low" standards for tuna mayo with this concoction of his...



*sighs* drool much?!

Okay, I digress... I am also feeling particularly... confused at the moment. Somewhat thrown off balance if you know what I mean. After a rather impromtu visit to a migration officer's office, I have come face to face with the stark reality of hefty decisions awaiting me in the near future.

Do I choose to stay?

Or should I just go on home?

The decision is a difficult... and pricey one. Not to mention, time consuming as well.

Afterall, I am not particularly rich. Neither am I particularly young where I have an abundance of time for my disposal.

But its far too easy to fall in love with this country. Its far too easy to get so absorbed in the daily activities and routinize life here. Who am I kidding? I love it here. And I don't even know why.... I still think theres something in the air.

Looking back at the past events since I've been here...







Aha... the addition of the Dickens... =)
































So many happy memories. But only for a limited time. I need to make up my mind soon and work myself towards it. Of course, each of us are bound to carve our own roads in the future.... I only wish to know where I truly belong...

But at this moment of time, there is one thing I am positively sure of! And I'm exactly where I'm meant to be at the moment....



... This is what home feels like at the moment.



=)


Regarding the near future decision? Oh well, Mizmanda is definitely a Master Procrastinator. Thats one topic for another day.
Quite pointless getting any deeper into that line of thought, especially at this hour...! I am bound to lapse into emo-ness again. So at the meanwhile, I shall count my lucky stars every night, and thank God for each sun-kissed day...!

Hence, I'd try my best to capture each and every passing event and....

...to document each wonderful day here as it passes by!

I'm such a lucky girl. Yeah, I know I am. *grins*

Just breathe, please - forget IT

To live life with apprehension, awaiting dross desires to occur with each ticking second...is probably one of the worst ways to live.

As if each moment, you need to hold your breath, waiting, gasping...for it to happen.

When will it happen?
Will it happen today?
Will it happen tomorrow?
Will it ever happen?

Please note that "it" here refers to a multitude of human desires and wishes.
It could represent anything and exists inevitably and ubiquitously around us mundane human beings.


It drains a person slowly, when every moment should be embraced with explicit zeal.
If it is not nipped in the end, it would proceed to drain a person of all purpose - until it seemingly becomes a person's singular reason for existence.

You dream about it, you think about it, you wonder and ponder about it incessantly.

Of course, some may argue that this "holding of ones breath, waiting for it to happen" can be summed up in the word of "hope" in life.

We cannot live our lives without hope, can we? Yes, that is true which I wholeheartedly agree.

But having too much hope for a specific object to be yours, a person to pull through all your expectations, or an event that you want so badly to occur - (see, so many forms it can take!) - when you can't do anything else but think about it.

That is when you know you are harbouring too much hope.
That is when you have been unwittingly holding your breath.

That is when you should just breathe. Relax. Forget about it - at least, momentarily.
Let it go.

At least until you are sure you have finally regained healthy equilibrium in all other aspects of your livelihood, should you ponder on it once again.

Because it is not a form of hope.
Hope is a healthy reason for existence - hope gives us daily faith to live on with realistic expectations of an unfulfilled promise, wants or wishes.

It however, is the complete opposite. It feeds on our energy, occupies our mind far too often to be healthy. It drains us of all vitality.


****

I was just googling my first childhood horror movie, IT out if random curiosity. That was before I proceeded to take a nap. Where my head was then filled with foggy nightmares of a sick and twisted clown (who happens to look like the late Heath Ledger as the Joker). Lol.

I happen to be haunted by several its in my life at the moment....
Frankly? Its driving me crazy.

LoL.

Somehow this post just comes out weird.

Earth To Self

Never offer what you cannot afford to give,

Never give what you cannot afford to loose.

So who are you to give what you do not have?

Who are you to take what does not belong to you?

Whimsical hopes and fancies...instant gratification.

Is it worth it?

Who can survive on that?

Both feet on the ground, Manda.

Firmly on the ground.

Yes, I Hated PE

I realized something interesting about life. Life is like the horrible PE teacher back in secondary school. She takes one look across the class and pinpoints the ones who suck at sports. And throws the ball at them.

Every once in a while, Life throws a curveball at you.

You go like, What??? What the hell just happened??! Oh Fug! (MissyMelcwf, 2009).

You don't really have a choice but catch it. Haa. Or in my case - the ball often hits me square in the face.

I can hear those of you who'd seen me in action during secondary school PE.... snickering.

Basketball? Dodgeball? Volleyball? The ball just finds me in the face. It seems as if my face is the homing device where the ball tries its best to zoom it and smacks me squarely on the forehead... or the nose *ouchies*, and goes "Allright! TOUCHDOWN!" then bounces off my face onto the ground doing a seemingly taunting victory dance on the cemented court.

Heck, even in badminton! The bloody shuttlecock finds my eyes...

I believe perhaps this is due to my vertically challenged handicap. *ahem*

Or perhaps I have an inborn bimbotic nature that renders my hand-eye coordination virtually useless?

Or perhaps I can blame it on the fact that my dad was stingy and did not want to share his awesome skills of precision in sports with me. *shrugs* Who knows?

And for the record, I hate getting caught off guard and going "What?! What the hell just happened?!"

Life is doing that an awful lot to me lately. *huffs*

I am NOT going to run away from the ball anymore.

Life continually evolves. We’re always moving into new experiences, new possibilities. This constant change unsettles the personality, which finds security in stability. But with life always in flux, that security is an illusion. We experience pain by trying to hold on to things that are not solid.Life becomes joyful when we can open to the constant flow and ride freely with it. This requires us to let go of the need to control. We need to learn to trust. - Wayne Muller.

City Girl Memories

Have you ever wondered why the green of leaves look pleasing to the human eye?

Or the tingly feeling induced whenever you dip your toes into the warm sand at the edge of cool splashing waves?

What about the peaceful sensation of having the wind on your face and smelling the scent of leaves and dry bark? (occassionally some whafts of carbon monoxide from the car exhaust since I am a city girl)

******

Picture this, you are walking along the street.

The sun is shining brightly. You look down and see the waving patterns of shadows cast by the tree leaves waving in the wind above you. Shafts of sunlight swaft through, by you are spared by most of it from the rich covering of the leaves. You hear the song of the brown finches. And you can see an occasional car driving by at a leisurely pace on the road next to you. Your neighbour's dog gives you a friendly bark and a welcoming wave of its tail. The maid next door looks up from her daily washing of the car to give you a sunny smile. You can feel a slight breeze blowing through your hair, the typical Malaysian breeze, warm but breezy on a soon to be humid day. You can smell the delicious aroma drifting out from the kitchen of one of the houses. Lunch is getting cooked early. You hear your neighbour's children yell of delight and see them running out of the house with a maid, holding badminton racquets and the youngest is pushing her tricycle with a concerned mother looking from the doorway.

You don't stop to exchange conversations of course. (We are Malaysian mah!) So, you flash her a smile and continue on your way.

You finally reach your destination. And the wind blows harder and you can hear the rustling of some discarded plastic bag nearby. Haa haa.

******

That would be a typical memory hitched from my mind. I walk down the street of my road often when I was younger. And I remember the times where I would walk down the street with a carefree heart and feeling contented and happy.

Contented because I enjoy my walk on this brief street down to the very bottom to my house. Happy because of whats waiting for me at home. I have a very happy family and a rather comfortable house. I particularly love the location of my house too. It allows me easy access to my favourite places. Many of my girlfriend's houses are a stone's throw away (or perhaps a car's ride away) and my favourite hangout places - the MALLS - are right around the corner.

I am a typical city girl.

And like all city girls - I have dreams and aspirations in life that I want to see come true.

Like all city girls - nature appeals very much to me, the serenity and the peaceful lull of it.

Being the typical city girl, I wonder if I am making the right choice of jumping from one city to another. Will I find the peace and contentment there?

I will not be walking down a brief street, to reach a cozy and comfortable home.

I will be walking unknown streets, allright - with unknown sounds, scenes and sights, foreign smells and people.

Will there be happiness in my heart?

I've read somewhere, that if you are not willing to loose sight of shore for some time, you will never be able to find new land.

Will there be happiness in my heart?

Only time will tell.

And I glad that I might very well have the chance to find out.