The life of a Persimmon Tree

Its one of those days where I wake up wondering "Eh, whats the meaning of life, really?". You know, one of those days where you feel reluctant to wake up and just feel like you'd like to spend the rest of the day in bed. Yet you know at the edge of your mind, you have so many things that deserve your attention, so many things to do, so many things to accomplish.

So I dragged my lazy ass from the bed and trudged to the kitchen to start my daily mundane routine. While nursing a cup of coffee in the palm of my hand, the persimmon tree waving its branches in the wind suddenly caught my attention. It was a sunny day out, with a beautiful blue sky. And the persimmon tree was filled with green, fresh leaves once again. It's spring.

And so that is how I suddenly got inspired by the persimmon tree in my backyard (a few minutes spent in quiet contemplation actually does give you inspiration! lol)

Does it matter to the persimmon tree that only a few days ago, it was hailing and raging winds? It does not matter the season or the finite passing of the weird weather that Melbourne throws its way. All the persimmon tree does is sit there, as though in quiet meditation, and steadily bring forth its meaning to life.

It weathers through the four seasons, and eventually bringing fruit each season. It's always on time. It makes its meaning of life. The life of a persimmon tree. Lol.

Conclusion? To constantly find the meaning of life is too trivial and too paltriest, hence, I reckon one should actively MAKE the meaning of life.

We always tend to ask people around us, or ponder on the meaning of life. And we seem to SEEK the meaning of life, its as if the real meaning of life is something tangible, that we can find, like some lost treasure waiting to be found.

But the fact is, life's meaning is waiting to be made.

Delightful church songs

Went to church yesterday with Wifeysue. It has been almost a year since I've been without hearing one of Pastor Julie's sermons. As usual, she delivered her sessions with as much as vitality and zest as always. I missed this feeling.

And I miss singing to my favourite songs and hymns in church. So when the Church ended with Hosanna... it struck such a reminiscent chord in me. I ended up karaoke-ing along with it via YouTube...! My all time favourite songs to sing in Church - Hosanna and I Give You My Heart by Hillsong. =)

My favourite chorus from this song?

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like you have loved me

Break my heart from what breaks yours
Everything I am for your kingdoms cause
As I go from nothing to
Eternity

And my favourite Chorus from this one?

Lord I give You my heart

I give You my soul

I live for You alone

Every breath that I take

Every moment I'm awake

Lord have Your way in me

This is my desire, to honour You

Lord with all my heart I worship You

all I have within me

I give You praise

all that I adore is in You

Yup... I can sing this over and over again and again on my own. Heheheh.

Happy rainy Sunday, people!

My Picture Perfect Family

If there is anything successful in my life so far, I'd have to say its the luck of being borne into this family of mine. I have always known that I was lucky but I guess it takes certain amount of experience achieved in life to truly appreciate the blessing at its fullest.

And here I am at the dawn of 25 years of age, an aunt of four - I fully see how blessed I am. (Or since I have always known I was blessed, should i say, I finally noticed the extent of the blessing?)

Having touched down in Malaysia since Melbourne, my parents have been nothing but parental.

I have never really thought of the exact word to describe my parents. So i googled them. A parent (from Latin: parēns = parent) is a caretaker of the offspring in their own species.

But my parents are so much more than just my caretaker. Mom went to

extreme lengths to cook my favourite dishes, use her personal money to buy me everything and literally almost anything that I could possibly want.

Dad anxiously drove me to all the necessary places to get my own stuff organized for my return to Melby. He even woke up at 5.30am when I told him I wanted to leave the house at 7.15am. Hahah, thats my dad for you.

Ah, but my parents.... If i were to blog about how great they were, people usually would roll their eyes and say "Ah its only natural that every kid would always think that their parents are the best", well they are certainly not wrong. But then again...I am no longer a 6 year old who worships her dad and thinks that he is a superhero who can do no wrong. Neither am I a clingy child who needs her mommy's approval at every step (eh...funnily enough, maybe I still do). But thats besides the point.

Nearing the age of twenty five - I can very visibly see the flaws of my parents. Mommy's lack of knowledge in the scientific world (makes her ridiculously cute though) but horribly attached to old wives tales. Mommy's extreme lack of patience in certain things. Mommy's naive and almost childlike demeanors which can pose as a very annoying factor whenever she demands something to be done from you. Daddy's ridiculous abidance to his golden principles of life (which may not be the solution to every problem but to him, its the solution). Daddy's weird mood swings from time to time. Daddy's cut and dried mould of ways to do things and how-things-should-always-be-done.

No, my parents are not perfect and they are flawed, at times horribly so! But incredibly enough, I now can see their flaws and think how cute they are because in my eyes, I only see a perfect pair of parents. Because in their weird ways of being different yet so alike at the same time has taught me many valuable lessons in life.

When I think back in time, I used to be a little girl who adored her parents. And then i moved to a stage of being a teenager who adored them just a little less because they were just-so-naggy.... and I became older and thought hey my parents are just so damn cool because they don't confine me conventional rules as my other counterparts had to live through. And here I am. I think I adore them even more than I ever used to be, back when I was a little girl. I am surprised because when I reflect upon my life, I doubt I have ever transited through a rebellious stage as my peers have told me about.

Daddy was my #1 hero and he still is. Mommy would always be the person I'd have to run to from catfights to determining if a pair of jeans I tried in the dressing room made me look fat.

But no, this is not the point where I finally noticed the extent of my blessing.

Having arrived at Singapore, the sisters spring cleaned the house in anticipation. Eagerly stuffed money into my hands so I can spend it at my heart's desire, cooked my favourite dishes and bought me to fulfill every whim I wanted from Singapore. (yes, I have always been pampered at home)

But no, that was not the point where I felt truly blessed, either.

Where I felt truly blessed lies in a very simple conversation I had with my niece, Megan.

It was late at night, nearly 9 oclock, her bed time. My sis was putting Ivan to bed and there was no bread at home for their breakfast tomorrow morning.

Bro-in law was in Cambodia for business. So that leaves me and my darling Megan. My sis entrusted her with a few coins and ushered us out to buy bread for the next day. Although I was taking her hands in mine, for the very first time, I was following Megan and depending on her to bring me where it was required for us to buy bread.

For the very first time too, she told me to watch my step because of a broken plank while crossing the road. She bought me to the place that sold bread. And for the very first time in my life, I bought bread from a bread-vending machine. LOL! For the very first time, she counted the coins in her hands and showed them to me. "$1.90 cents, yeechai. Check if i am right" she said.

I counted them. And of course she was right. Her maths is probably better than mine! LoL. I saw her put the coins into the machine but it was ridiculous but i felt such a sense of pride because I was looking at her. Growing more and more into a lanky teenager, wearing her geeky spectacles and outgrowing her milk teeth into gruesome buckteeth! - but I also saw the cute baby and toddler that she was. My precious baby niece is really growing up. I missed so much in between by just being gone for a year. And now I returned to find her reading like a speed demon, writing short stories of her own and drawing beautiful pictures, swimming without floats, rollerblading and ice skating and playing the piano. My goodness, my niece is so accomplished in comparison to me!

But no, this is not the point where I felt the extent of my blessing.

The part came when she pushed the numbers for the loaf of white bread. And I took the loaf from her hands and said "Lets go". She stopped and stared at the machine, pointing to a chocolate bun. I told her "Well if you have enough coins, you may buy one" thinking that she wanted it. She counted the remainder of the coins in her hands and told me "Yes i do, its just 70cents, what."

So i told her, thinking like a dutiful aunt "But you can only eat this tomorrow for breakfast, allright?"

She told me, "Oh no, its not for me... It's for Ivan. He loves this chocolate bun!"

And that, that was the pinnacle where I felt the extent of my blessing.

"For Ivan?" I asked. "What about you? Don't you want one too?"

"No, I don't need one. Ivan loves it, though." was her reply.

For all the things that I've ever done, to be there having that conversation with her, was actually the point where I felt the full extent of my blessing. Megan was not a baby anymore, shes grown up and whats more, shes grown into a loving and caring sister. Someone that I'd expect to be growing up from the care of my own sister. And she certainly did not disappoint me.

I went back and the next morning while the kids were at school, I relayed the conversation to my sister. Small as it was an event, it made me feel like the happiest aunt on earth. I don't know why, but i was ridiculously proud. And my sis actually relayed a better story to me. She told me that once Megan was invited to a glam birthday party of one of her school friends. And at the party, each child could make a teddy bear (Yes, its those expensive teddies that you get to custom make) and take home with them as a souvenir! Instead of making a teddy for herself, she made a custom made karate-teddy bear for her brother.

Whatever it is in my life? I'm surely a blessed person to be gifted with such a family. I truly felt the extent of my blessing because now i can fully see the reaches of my family. From the love that came from my parents, I see it flowing to their children. To my sisters, and to me.

And I see that same love, nurturing us into the people that we are. And from that same stem, I see the same love nurturing my nieces and nephews. And I finally saw the first blooms of that love, reflected in my 8 year old niece for her brother.

What I ever did to deserve this family, I will never know.

But the Lord knows that I could never find a more wholesome, picture perfect family.

In the Midst of Winter...

Autumn is finally over - and winter is here...

The trees are almost completely barren by now...

While coming back home one day, the chocoholic and I couldn't help but notice movement in one of the trees directly outside our home. After much scrutinization, we discovered this beautiful pair of parrot-like birds. There is actually a baby in the nest (the hole in the trees) which I have failed to capture on camera that keeps playing peekaboo with my camera.

The absence of the usual dense leaves makes it easier to find beauty & life in the barren trees.

I suppose that this observation can be applied to our lives as well - the simplest way to overlook the negativities in life is by paying closer attention to your relative position.

For all you know, barren as you are, you are actually rather useful to other people in providing a warm home & shelter from the winter cold - until spring comes again someday and your leaves will grow once more. 'Till then, the best you can do is provide all that you are and what you have to make the lives of others around you a much better place.

=)

Reflections

I've been instigated to blog so many times throughout the past few weeks and everytime I log into this place... i feel that its been lagging so far behind. I wish I could update each and everything thats happened in the past 6 months. But if i did, that would obviously take me forever. O.o

But whatever it is, I suppose a blog is a healthy recollection of my life. I have just recently visited Missadora, and as much as I tried to run away from it last time, now it serves as a nostalgic avenue of my past. =) Like it or not, I suppose it will always be a part of me.

And I would like to end this supremely short post (not quite an update, obviously, but hey, at least I feel like writing again) with a simple reflection.

Time is really so precious, because life is truly so short. If we realize this at every second of our lives, we'd live each and every heartbeat with a single goal - doing the things that are worthwhile. Living each moment without regret.

"Strive to be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind. To be too wise for worry, too tolerant for hate, and too courageous to be fearful. In short, to be happy."

Maybe

Maybe. . .we were supposed to meet the wrong people before meeting the rightone so that, when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift.

Maybe . . . when the door of happiness closes, another opens; but, oftentimes, we look so long at the closed door that we don't even see the new one which has been opened for us.

Maybe . . . it is true that we don'tknow what we have until we lose it, but it is also true that we don't know what we have been missing until it arrives.

Maybe . . . the happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.

Maybe . . . the brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; after all, you can't go on successfully in life until you let go of your past mistakes, failures and heartaches.

Maybe . . . you should dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go, be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you dream of, and want to do.

Maybe . . . there are moments in life when you miss someone -- a parent, a spouse, a friend, a child -- so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real, so that once they are around you appreciate them more.

Maybe . . . the best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.

Maybe . . . you should always try to put yourself in others' shoes. If you feel that something could hurt you, it probably will hurt the other person, too.

Maybe . . . you should do something nice for someone every single day, even if it is simply to leave them alone.

Maybe ... giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they will love you back. Don't expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart; but, if it doesn't, be content that it grew in yours.

Maybe . . . happiness waits for all those who cry, all those who hurt, all those who have searched, and all those who have tried, for only they can appreciate the importance of all the people who have touched their lives.

Maybe . . . you shouldn't go for looks; they can deceive; don't go for wealth; even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile, because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright. Find the one that makes your heart smile.

Maybe . . you should hope for enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, and enough hope to make you happy.

Maybe . . . you should try to live your life to the fullest because when you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling but when you die, you can be the one who is smiling and everyone around you crying.

There are many beautiful forwarded emails. But only a few truly touches my heart. This is one of them in particular, where every line has me nodding my head... and heart! Hehehe. There are so many "maybe's" in this world. And maybe these are some of the basic lessons that we all should learn in life. Some of them have been told to us time and time again - by our parents, by our wiser peers, by people who love and care for us. But these words, simple as they sound, easy to comprehend by the mind but may not be truly understood by the heart, or put in practice in our daily lives.

Here is a simple prayer for all of us, where we would each learn and understand each of these 'Maybe's' before the end of our time. Amen to that! ;)

Have an awesome day, folks!

Today's Joy is Born of Yesterday's Sorrow

Who said the "darkness of the night

"Would never turn to day;

Who said the "winter's bleakness"

Would never pass away.

Who said the fog would never lift

And let the sunshine through;

Who said the skies now overcast

Would nevermore be blue.

Why should we ever entertain

These thoughts so dark and grim,

And let the brightness of our mind

Grow cynical and dim.

When we know beyond all questioning

That winter turns to spring;

And on the notes of sorrow,

New songs are made to sing.

For no one sheds a teardrop

Or suffers loss in vain;

For Spirit's always there to turn

Our losses into gain.

And every burden born TODAY

And every present sorrow,

Are but Heaven's happy harbingers

Of a joyous, bright TOMORROW!

Helen Steiner Rice (1900-1981)

Life Itself Is An Oxymoron

"Life is the coexistence of all opposite values. Joy and sorrow, pleasure and pain, up and down, hot and cold, here and there, light and darkness, birth and death. All experience is by contrast, and one would be meaningless without the other." -- Deepak Chopra

If this is true, then its fortunate how much pain and sorrow that we each have to put up with in this funny thing called life.

"Life is full of dualities, opposites. Despite their apparent opposition, each extreme in a duality is necessary to fully actualize the other. Each depends on the existence of the other. For example, we cannot know honesty if we don’t know deception. The key is to not resist or suppress the negative. We need to acknowledge its existence, though we may choose not to express it. When we embrace wholeness, we move to a higher perspective." - Anonymous

"....We cannot know honesty - if we don't know deception...." - How true is that? Once bitten, twice shy.

"The light which man has discovered within himself makes him more aware of the dark; through the good which attracts him, he sees the evil which is the line of least resistance; the activity leading to pain simultaneously permits him to visualize the contrasting pleasure, and thus he experiences something of both hell and heaven." - Aart Jurriaanse

The latter is ROFL. Is this what we call humanity and is this what makes us human?
If thats the case, no wonder I'm oh-so-human.

**********

Two hours before I'm leaving to the airport - I am still wondering,

"Why me? Why this? Why now?"

But hey, no emoness. I am still struggling with the Stay Sunshiney for 30days. Proving quite difficult but it pays to struggle once in awhile. This Oh-So-Humane girl is gonna enjoy Taiwan, thats for sure. ;)

Will be back with little bits and pieces of Taiwan to share in a week. For the time being, stay tuned & have an awesome week to ya'll!

XOXOXO!!!

A Little Pinch of Sunshine, A Little Dash of You

Is anybody happier

Because YOU passed their way?

Does anyone remember

That you spoke to them today?

The day is almost over,

And its toiling time is through,

Is there anyone to utter

Now a kindly word of YOU?

Can you say tonight in parting

With the day that's slipping fast ...

That you helped a single person

Of the many that you passed?

Is a single heart rejoicing

Over what you did or said?

Does the one whose hopes were fading

Now with courage look ahead?

Did you waste the day or use it?

Was it well or sorely spent?

Did you leave a trail of kindness,

Or a scar of discontent?

As you close your eyes in slumber,

Will Our Creator quietly say ...

"You have earned one more tomorrow

By what you have done today"?

~By John Hall

Wasn't that such a beautiful poem? Yesterday and today - gave me plenty reason to be "emo". But I think that word is too far overated lately.

"Its raining today - makes me emo."

"I was emo - I was thinking about the past..."

"I am just plain hormonal - my period is here, so I emo."

"I am easily annoyed lately, cause I've been emo."

"I've had insufficient sleep - thats why I'm emoey today."

I don't mean to say that being emo is overrated or being emo is wrong. I'm guilty of being emo all the time too. But I just can't help but feel that the word has been overabused - for even the slightest form of unhappiness. And its about time for me to stop using the word "emo" to describe anything less than what it really is.... not for anything less than real, serious, depression.

I want to literally be a bright ball of sunshine. I am so tired of sweating the small stuff. Think like sunshine, act like sunshine, feeeel like sunshine. I don't know if this is attainable. It sounds far-fetched. But hey, what the mind can concieve and percieve is what the mind can achieve, right? LoL. Shall give this little wish a 30 day period testdrive and tell you again by end of april how it goes. ;)

FYI, Today was Test Drive Day 1 - and thinking like a sunshine worked like a charm. The day twisted and ended in such a different manner compared to yesterday!

What does it matter how we live our life, if nothing comes from it? What does it matter how much we achieve, if no one else benefits from it? What does it matter if we find out who we are, if it affects no one else by it? What does it matter how we feel, if others are hurt by it?

I feel that we are but a tiny and insignificant speck of life from the billions of life around us. I believe that we are not special because we exist - we exist to be special.

So what have you done to be special today?

Pleasure to Have Met You

Do you believe in Fate?

Do you believe that everything that happens to you happens for a reason? Every consequence is a result of your actions, yes. But perhaps every action was also propelled by fate...? Yesterday I was feeling upset because I finally feel the impact of leaving home in another few months time.

When will the baby in me ever grow up?

Seeing it with the half empty perspective, I told him that I need to grow up. I can't stay home and be protected all the time. Because sooner or later, people who'd protect me now might leave my life forever. I suppose that is actually inevitable. Thats a sad perspective in life.

But he said,
Or you could also see it as God sending different people at different times.

That is way more comforting. Thanks, Boggy. I'm gonna remember that. =)

Helloooo sexxxy. Rawrr.

It was a pleasure to have met you, oh most definitely. I don't know where you came from, but am not complaining! I can remember how we met tho. When I was telling Lola that I wanted to further my studies in Aussieland and she casually said, "Oh Melissa wants to go too - why don't you chat with her?" And chat, we did. ;)

Incidentally, this is the very first snapshot taken by Baby!

Who is Baby, you ask?
Well, as Melly would always say, Commercial Break!

Let me make a brief introduction...!
Meet my new Love....

I got mine in the baby pink. I named her.


Her name is Baby. Hahahha.
Very original, yes I know.

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How Did I End Up Here??

TCSH is where I ended up? Education Counsellor. Mismanda. Hahaha. I often get weird looks and the "What are you doing here if you studied Biotech?!" responses from parents and students. Is it really that strange? No, actually if you see what the rest of my fellow graduates are currently doing. Lolz, but well, I suppose the best answer to that question would be, Fate.

If I hadn't been so stressed out by my previous employer, I wouldn't have wanted to jump jobs so quickly - and my friend wouldn't have submitted my CV into Taylor's HR. I wouldn't end up learning quite so much about education and predominantly, pre-university programs - and most importantly, I would never have met the people who each contributed some form of teaching into my life.

TGIF, Zabidah's Farewell

My favourite cashier. I love her. Why?

She feeds me! Hahahahaha. Chipsmore!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Beta Theater, Katherine's Farewell

The lady who taught me everything else other than what I was supposed to counsel parents in Taylors. *sigh*

Looking gigantic next to those two. LoLz.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rakuzen, Wen How's Mini Farewell Party

We both look tired out here. >.<>

In the end, whats a little deviation from the main path of your life? Sticking out here a few months actually taught me more lifelong skills than the previous industry ever did. Ironic as it was, I met way more people as a Sales Development Executive than I do here. Yet, I've learnt so much more from each individual I've met here. I guess, that must be what they call fate. ;)

It was my pleasure to have met you.

Kindness Out of Sincerity, Going Extinct?

Here is food for thought today.

Whenever people goes out of their way to do something nice for you, do you think they did it out of a genuine heart of kindness or with an ulterior motive or even because they simply cannot say "no"?


They Simply Cannot Say "NO"

People pleasers or extremely nice people who are afraid to be ostracized because of their refusal to help? You can call them extremely nice people or you can also call them doormats. Their fear of being called a meanie, or offending others simply because they have no guts to tell other people off. They help because they are handtwisted by guilt to help. Sometimes not helping at all is better than helping with a heavy heart, isn't it?

Sad to say, I find myself sometimes guilty under this context. Don't call me a doormat, please. I am really trying to grow a spine.

They Have an Ulterior Motive

People under this category are generally percieved as sly and crafty. They offer help now only to expect something back in return. However, in a dog eat dog world such as today, I believe this form of "helpful samaritans" are generally the most common breed. I have met persons as such and even came to befriend one, "I scratch your back, you scratch mine," he would openly say.

When I once questioned him, "Don't you feel you are very insincere and fake?"

"Its only natural what. You are too naive already. Do you think that people nowadays would really help you if they want nothing from you in return? Nothing is free."

And I've come to believe him actually. Perhaps not in the very same context that he said it. But yes, I do understand what he is getting at.

They Help You With Genuine Kindness

Whereas the former is most common - I feel that this is also most rare. But is it really as rare as we percieve it to be? Yeah, I know. This is a jaded world and blah blah blah etcetera.

But what is it that makes us wary whenever someone (perhaps people who isn't who you would regard as close besties) extends us a helping hand? Do we accept it with a heart full of gratitude and very simply, say "thank you"? Or do we accept furtively, with a heart laden with suspicion?

Really, how often do you meet people who genuinely wants to help, wants nothing back in return and does the whole thing in a gandhified manner? I find this a little sad and feel a little far too jaded for even realizing it. Is this what the world has come to be?

Nothing is Free? Really?

Lately the students are becoming more and more friendly & more respectful. More "Good morning Missamanda" and less of "Heys Mizz mandapanda" or "Hii mizmanda what are you doing on facebook during working hours?!" Hahaha.

And I brushed it off because I thot they are starting to realize I am in fact, *ahem ahem* older and deserving of more respect.

But apparently its not due to my age. Its because I am the counsellor who usually has candy around her desk - and occasionally feeds them for free. And because I occassionally give some of them free rides or lunches.

One of them actually asked "So I really don't have to pay you back for the mee mamak & teh O ice?"

For heavens sake lah. Its just a plate of mee mamak. It just goes to show what my ex colleague used to say is true isn't it? People always think random acts of courtesy or kindness are never free.

That is a sad reality. And it is even sadder that even the younger generation percieve that this is the way the world should be.

What happened to hallmarkish attitude of spread the love and make this world a better place starting from the man in the mirror?

Random acts of kindness for people, be it family, friends or plain strangers are diminishing. And this form of extinction should be paid more attention. At least as much attention as we give in attempt to do conscious charity work of donating money or toys to orphans. Or even attempting to lower our electricity consumption in conjunction with Earth Hour.

So spread a little kindness today.

And do it out from the genuine pocket of your heart.

Accept random acts of kindness more graciously - and with less inhibitions.

It takes one to give sincerely - but it also takes one to recieve with sincere gratitude.

We are human beings. Getting along with each other is a natural survival instinct act that goes unnoticed. But getting along with each other with added kindness and courtesy is a conscious display of our humanity that serves to distinguish us from mere animals.

Seeking & Finding Gratitude

"There can be no knowledge without emotion. We may be aware of a truth, yet until we have felt its force, it is not ours. To the cognition of the brain must be added the experience of the soul." Arnold Bennett

So true. Its really so true. Don't you think so?

When you live, you invariably seek knowledge & understanding of the world around us, the world within us and the significance of that world. And as we seek that knowledge, we may come across guilt, regrets and grievances - for the things that we should have done, things we should not have done or perhaps for things we would want to have done differently.

But that is if you look at life through the glass half-empty perspective.

On the glass half-full stand, we would also see our achievements, our victories, and all the things that has ever made us smile. Even the past impediments would then seem like the cookie-cutters from the Littleplate's kitchen, there to mould us into the adorable shapes of who we are today. =) And that is how I see my self-worth. For all thats worth, I'm pretty glad of the cookie-cutters that has moulded me into...whatever shape I am taking at the moment. (I am obviously referring to the metaphoric shape of my soul - NOT, my physical shape) =.="

Would I have chosen to change anything? Anything at all from the past? Yes, I only wish to take back any and all hurtful things I've ever said to people who mattered. But all in all - there would be nothing I would have changed, because I believe everything happens for a reason. And because of that, I am glad. I am grateful...!

*insert a happy gay dance here*

I am ever grateful for my indescribably awesome family. - love, support, togetherness, understanding, comfort & guidance, they are everything rolled into one giant package.

I am grateful for the girl who'd never judge me for my actions, who'd always love me for the way I am. The girl who took turns with me to say "Boys come and go, but bestfriends always remain the same."

I am grateful for the guy who said, "You seem to be going through so much lately, I didn't want to dump my problems on you."

I am grateful for the girl who told me, "I can't wait to see you smiling again, don't worry, if God brings you to it - He will bring you through it."

I am grateful for the girl who has always been there during the darkest hours - with far too many encouraging words to note. The one I remember most, "Snap out of it, you are stronger than that. Don't just remember the good times, you need to remember both the good and the bad."

I am grateful for the guy who listens to me, panics when I cry & babbles away. Grateful for my spiritual umbrella. He once said, "There is a lacking of friends in this world - what you girls need is real friends."

I am grateful for the girl who offered support without being asked for it, who told me, "Wait for the shyt to decompose into fertilizer and wait for your flowers to start blooming."

I am grateful for the guy who said, "If you are happy, I'm happy."

I am grateful for the guy who said "We are here la, you know. If you need to go out, call us and we will be there to talk crap with you."

And I am grateful to scores of other people who were there offering words of encouragement or those who tried to make me laugh. Those conversations may not have left me a significant sentence to quote - but yes, I do remember the gist of the conversations in general.

You know who you are.
All of you, make up my personal rainbow.
Because of that, here is a heartfelt Thank You.

Note: The order of arrangement does not convey the level of significance of each of you to me.

Picnik your pictures!

They are printable too! Instant online scrapbooking.

I have been having oh-so-much-fun with this new awesomely cool website!

http://www.picnik.com/

And all credits goes to the ubermagnificently resourceful

Missy Melcwf!

God bless her resourceful soul, I have no idea where she comes up with such websites but it definitely gave me oodles of fun!

Thanks, sweeetie!

No more boring pictures! Whoop!

xoxoxo!

Whee!

Live & Learn

If wishes worked like magic,

And plans worked that way too,

And everything you wished for,

Whether good or bad for you,

Immediately was granted

With no effort on your part,

You’d experience no fulfillment

Of your spirit or your heart.

For things achieved too easily

Lose their charm and meaning too,

For it is life’s difficulties

And the trials we go through

That makes us strong in spirit

And endow us with the will

To surmount the insurmountable

And to climb the highest hill.

So wish not for the easy way

To win your heart’s desire,

For the joy’s in overcoming

And withstanding flood and fire,

For to triumph over trouble

And grow stronger with defeat

Is to win the kind of victory

That will make your life complete.

-Unknown-

Doesn't that mean,

Life's tribulation and obstacles does not exist to make life miserable.

It is there to make us live - and that is why people say

"You live and you learn"

Because if we do not go through such obstacles - we do not learn.

If we do not learn - we have never lived.

Today shall be a good day!

Past reflections & new beginnings

Its a bright and beautiful sunny Saturday. The perfect time to launch my first ever post here (not considering the fact that I am actually at work at the moment), but hell yeah.

Bet many of you are puzzled with my sudden change of blogsite and all. Actually, I've been working on this new homepage for about a week and a half now. The first half of the week debating on the new web url. I was going round and round trying to find the perfect name, you know? What sounds like me? What represents me? Annoyingly enough, I can't come up with anything creative-ier than Mizmanda @ Incandescent Rainbows.

So long, farewell, Missadora!

Leaving Missadora was admittedly, hard. Missadora was a large collection of my past. I may not be an avid blogger - but I had spent long hours tweaking with the template and compiling my widgets and really, it contained a compilation of many bits and pieces of my life - random thoughts and childish rants and those gleeful days... for the past few years?

And frankly, I never really knew why I enjoyed blogging. I just do. In fact, many friends who started out blogging has already fizzled out of the game, simply grown bored of maintaining the site. But me, I guess I just enjoy having a virtual space online to work out my thoughts - a place that belongs solely to me.

So here I am, with this new URL all set up and ready to go. And here you are, scratching your head wondering what the hell is the difference from the previous one and this (fancy template aside), well, frankly I have no idea.

I guess, to some people this may be me running away from the past.

To me, to a certain extent, I believe I am subconsciously trying to cut away everything and anything that has any significance to my ex (Wah cheh, I finally have an ex!)

But it goes deeper than that. It is also a very conscious need to break away from the past, and I seem to require a very clean break. Packing up & returning everything I have previously owned in association with him or even getting the sweethearts to delete all the old photos from the computer is insufficent.

I am all out to severe everything that holds an association, in the end the only thing left was the old and previous posts in my past where it will remain as a chapter in my life.

And oddly, I feel happy this way.

Hello...uhhhm...Mizmanda?

Hahhaha. Yes yes, I know, how creative can i be...from missadora to "mizmanda". Look, it has to sound LIKE me right anot?! And thats what most of my students call me now anyway. Miss Amanda. Missmanda. It sort of stuck. In an annoying (because it makes me sound somewhat OLD) and endearing (because it makes me feel like the education counsellor that I am) kind of way. The little brats (yes they are really young okay? Born in year 1991!) really have grown on me. Some are admittedly more annoying than others, some has become friends I look forward to seeing on a daily basis and some are purely little children I have to deal with. In fact, I have a few of them on facebook and msn. I don't actually feel much different from them. I guess the age gap isn't wide enough to distinguish my apparent *ahem* maturity... =.=

In fact one of the reasons I am moving away from Missadora is because of these little brats! My previous blog was fast gaining popularity from the student population at TCSH. Definitely a big no no on my part.

A reaaaal good reason to move away.

In fact, I've had some of my students telling me that they think bloggers are attention seekers and lifeless people who had nothing better to do than to publicize their each and every movement. =)

But then again, they do have a really good point there.

Seriously, WHO in cyberspace really wants to know what you think about anything at all? Unless they are your friends. Unless they are family. Perhaps they are friends who you have lost touch with or the both of you simply doesn't have the time or resources to meet up consistently in the long run. Then a virtual blog is definitely interesting - because it keeps them in the loophole of that person's life.

And here I have identified the Top 4 Reasons to why I blog & continue to blog...

1. because it serves as a collection of my thoughts and captured memories & moments.
2. because of the people that I love and care for are actually scattered around the globe.
3. because it acts somewhat like that pensieve that Professor Dumbledore used to draw out his memories to store it away in that sink-like thing. haa haa haa. In some way, blogging away certain aspects of my life is liberating and, comforting to know that it has been written down.
4. and lastly...because I am vain and I also need an outlet (other than Facebook!) to portray my vainpot pictures...! Muaa haa haa haa. Blogging serves my narcissistic nature.
   

Broken Down & Standing Up

When I broke up, I guess alot of things broke down around and in me too.... Initially I thought it was just my heart, hopes and dreams that was broken and scattered. But afterawhile, I realize those weren't the only things that were broken.

It broke the way I used to see the world.

The world was a safe and beautiful place,

where nothing could possibly go wrong.

Now I see differently - the world is changing constantly and every moment is never finite. Change is inevitable, change can be unimaginably painful.

But life, glorious life...is still beautiful to me.

It broke the way I used to see the people around me.

I guess I have always thought

that I can only count on those

closest to me to save me -

it never occured to me what would happen

if those closest to you were the ones

who would finally hurt you.

But now I know,

the sky remains blue

because there are so many more people around

that is worth the time of my day.

It broke the way I communicated with my friends & family.

Breaking up and breaking down

in front of people who truly love you

really drives people much closer to each other.

You really, really,

find out who your true friends are.

And you realize,

what can really be more important than family?

It broke the way I viewed myself.

I never knew how much pain,

I am capable of withstanding.

I never knew that I could,

really, be Little Miss Gandhi. LoL!

I never knew that I was capable

of being the person that I am today.

In essence, the incident broke many things.

But not everything has to be broken in a bad way.

And I have never been more self aware! Not in a self conscious kind of way that schoolgirls tend to be when they move out of their prim-and-proper-pinafore world into the world of skimpy-wear and Giselle-wannabes.

I am very more aware of my actions and consequences.

I am aware of the actions of my past and the consequences that I face now.

I am aware of my own choices and reactions to those consequences.

Very good example?

I choose not to feel like thrown out garbage!

With that choice, I am slowly becoming my oh-so-lovable self again.

*smirks*

(suck it up lah, people, do you really think you can visit my blog, new OR old without soaking in some healthy self-love by me?!)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Ripple Effect

Each choice we make causes
a ripple effect in our lives.
When things happen to us,

it is the reaction we choose

that can create the difference

between the sorrows of our past

and the joy in our future.

- Unknown

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Omg, isn't that just so damn true???

This poem is classic!

Is this what growing up is all about, then?

If it is, I'm all for it.

"Incandescent Rainbows?"

And lastly, why incandescent rainbows, of all things, you wonder? I told you I was searching for an appropriate blog url for a long time ady mar rite. Pestered some of the besties for some ideas. Particularly appreciated Sara's "Opalesque" term and Melcwf's "Little Miss Gandhi".

However, in the end... incandescent rainbows & Mizmanda... well, needless to say, came from my own little brain however uncreative it may be - is original.

Shimmering lights and pretty colours, it doesn't take a genius why I'd want to name my blog something like that.

Because, seriously... after everything that has happened, I keep telling myself that I am going to react in a way to make this all worthwhile. Yeps!

The past doesn't matter - because there isn't anything we can change. The future doesn't matter - because there is nothing we can do for it now. The present is most precious - because this moment is what I have, in my hands.

And this is what I want right now at this moment.

I want to...colour my life in rainbows.